To Wish Upon a Star

It is impossible to get what we want unless we actually know what it is that we want.

And to know what we want is not only about knowing what we do not want. 

To wish upon a star

To want something. Someone.

Truly. Passionately.

A home. A job. A partner.

To build a mental list. 

A written list.

The criteria to be met. 

The qualities that are essential.

It can be detailed, extensive.

As long as it's honest. 

People may judge.

People will judge.

They'll say it's unrealistic. 

And they will be right. 

Only if you let them be.

Here is to not settling for the "good enough" stuff. 

To being patient while discovering what we truly desire. 

And to simply believing.

Alone is Alone is not Lonely

Lévis, QC, Canada

To be alone. In an unknown city. Full of strangers. Not one familiar face. 

A new job. Unfamiliar tasks. So many unanswered questions.

Where will it lead me?

To come home alone. To an empty house. With so few personal  belongings, and yet everything I need.

To spend hours on end not speaking. Sharing silence with an old house's sounds.

To wake up with no plan. No meet-up with a friend, no date, no obligation. But so few opportunities, so little options. 

This is being alone. To successfully picture one's self on a map, surrounded by miles of emptiness. Far from anything familiar.

To stop. Reflect. Breathe with the old house. Contemplate my vast surroundings. Question my purpose here once more. And wonder about the choices I have made. 

Then shrug. Laugh out loud. And assume I must be crazy for taking things so lightly. 

The Ice Cream Bowl Episode

A different kind of story. A short story about a date. 

It's an old story now. Nothing fancy or out of the ordinary, just a movie.

Before it started, he got a nice big bowl of ice cream. And one spoon.
He offered to share.

I love, love ice cream. But I declined his offer.

To eat out of the same bowl?
To share the same spoon?

He mentioned that he had served extra so we could share
Awkward

I made an uneasy attempt, an uncomfortable effort.
But I wasn't convincing, nor was I sincere.

I shortly after told the story of what had happened.
Only to realize that he wasn't a weirdo. I was.

I had forgotten about sharing.
I had forgotten that someone who cares will want to share with me. 

The ice cream bowl episode became symbolic.
Of how far I was coming from.
Of how much I had to work on before being able to open up again. 

Oh how long ago it was. How far I have come. 

Burano, Italia - May 2013