A City as a Teacher

So I made it. I moved to northern Alberta and survived (of course). Even though I knew I would grow and come out of this city a little bit stronger a person, I had no idea to what extent. 

I pushed the limits of being alone and of being comfortable with solitude. And even though I wasn't exactly completely alone and into the wild, I was alone in a strange city and learned to do even more on my own... whilst being perfectly happy to do so. Possibly because I felt in control. I was doing my own thing and no one had a say in it. 

But most importantly, and most surprisingly, this city taught me things that I know will be essential for the future I want to build for myself. 

I thought this place was nothing more than an oil city where everyone had the same goal: making money and making it in any possible way. It turns out that even if working for "evil" companies that are harmful to the environment and that go against most of my values, people here can be the nicest and kindest I've seen in most big cities. Not only is there an unbelievable respect for pedestrians, people are not afraid to look strangers in the eye and genuinely greet others on the street. Although this openness does not quite make up for the general greed present in this city, it surely cannot be overseen. 

I shall not forget that even people who don't share my values may share the important quality that is kindness.

I thought that as long as I didn't work for a company harmful to the environment which is directly linked to the whole oil/gas controversy, I would have a job that agrees with who I am. It turns out that even a "regular" office job may not be what I need. If my work and the success of the company that I work for depend on the population's over-consumerism, I don't want to be a part of it. If my income depends on creating needs as opposed to fulfilling needs for consumers, I want to step away. If my day to day consists of encouraging others to sell and buy more and more, I cannot accept it. When I go home at the end of the day, I aim to reduce my personal needs, limit my material belongings and explore more of the priceless things this life, this world, has to offer. 

I shall not forget to apply and consider my own personal values into my choice of professional environment.

I thought I would always resent this city, stay for a short period of time and leave debt free, and nothing more. Instead, I truly appreciate and am thankful for my time here, am leaving still with some debt, but feeling richer than ever before. Edmonton has been a great teacher.

I shall remember that even the life chapters we suspect to be insignificant can be life changing. 

I plan not to have a plan

A few months ago I was ready for a big move. I just wanted to go. But you can't just tell people you're leaving, for no reason, with no specific goal... They get confused, they don't understand, they question your decisions, your life choices, your motives... 

So I came up with a plan. It seemed so simple. Just a couple of easy steps and a new goal that I wanted to reach. That's what people do, they make plans and follow them. So it now made sense for me to leave. It didn't seem like I was "just going".  Once I had it all figured out, I set off and followed the first step of my big plan. Friends and family understood and wished me well. 

To me, it made complete sense to just leave, with a vague distant goal in mind and just a few belongings. But seeking approval, I made a plan and justified my big move. 

Of course, life threw a couple of its many surprises on my path and quickly, the big plan was ruined. So what's the point? Why don't people understand and agree that it's OK to just float on, not take things too seriously and enjoy the ride? Not worrying about the worst that could happen... 

Well, let it be proof that plans are pointless. And let me float on, hoping for the best!

Getting lost and finding its way back is half the fun!

To Wish Upon a Star

It is impossible to get what we want unless we actually know what it is that we want.

And to know what we want is not only about knowing what we do not want. 

To wish upon a star

To want something. Someone.

Truly. Passionately.

A home. A job. A partner.

To build a mental list. 

A written list.

The criteria to be met. 

The qualities that are essential.

It can be detailed, extensive.

As long as it's honest. 

People may judge.

People will judge.

They'll say it's unrealistic. 

And they will be right. 

Only if you let them be.

Here is to not settling for the "good enough" stuff. 

To being patient while discovering what we truly desire. 

And to simply believing.